horsey blu’s

Oh dear, how will I ever get over this perpetual grieving and pain I feel over the loss of my mother???  I long for the days I spent at her home, where I keep my horses, grooming them and dilly dallying around riding in the pasture, and then going up to the house to have a cold drink or a hot cup of coffee (depending on the weather).  Most generally she would have made me a sandwich or some recipe she was experimenting with, using me as the taste tester.

I miss my energy and desire I had, the inner drive I had to be productive, the intense need I felt to stay busy.

I miss blogging about my beloved ponies.

I miss taking my grandbabies over to her house to visit her and then go out and play with Minni.

I wake up and do not want to face myself in the mirror now.

I go toss the horses some hay and tend to their basic needs.

I take some medicine to help me sleep through the night.

I force a smile on my face for others to see I am well.

I have family lunch on Sundays after church to see to it we are all together and happy.

 

and when I am alone

i cry.

As I sit here and write this, I pick up a book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I pray for God to send me to the right page to lift my spirits.

and He gives me this:

Isaiah 41:13

New International Version (NIV)

13 For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.

Thank you Lord!!!

 

 

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Horse crazy and lovin' it!

2 thoughts on “horsey blu’s

  1. I lost my dad in July–i’m just a few months ahead of you in this journey of grief, and only now, things are getting better–but it is a slow, very slow process. It doesn’t affect me so much with the horses, because they are at a boarding stables. There is nothing there that reminds me of my father. It is an escape.

    It’s when I come home. The drive is the worst. We lived together, and now the house is empty. So I really understand what you feel. I do know you will feel better, because I feel much better, now, than I did a few months ago. It just takes time. I know now, that the “valley of the shadow of death” is for us–the ones left behind. We are the ones that have to travel through it–and it is a tough road, but there is an end on the other side. Keep moving.

    1. ahhh, thank you Judi! Your words of encouragement are appreciated. I thought of you as well when I wrote this. I remember reading your blog when you lost your dad. I am glad to hear your days are becoming better for you. I hope when the weather breaks a new season will begin within me as well 😉

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