Oh dear, how will I ever get over this perpetual grieving and pain I feel over the loss of my mother??? I long for the days I spent at her home, where I keep my horses, grooming them and dilly dallying around riding in the pasture, and then going up to the house to have a cold drink or a hot cup of coffee (depending on the weather). Most generally she would have made me a sandwich or some recipe she was experimenting with, using me as the taste tester.
I miss my energy and desire I had, the inner drive I had to be productive, the intense need I felt to stay busy.
I miss blogging about my beloved ponies.
I miss taking my grandbabies over to her house to visit her and then go out and play with Minni.
I wake up and do not want to face myself in the mirror now.
I go toss the horses some hay and tend to their basic needs.
I take some medicine to help me sleep through the night.
I force a smile on my face for others to see I am well.
I have family lunch on Sundays after church to see to it we are all together and happy.
and when I am alone
As I sit here and write this, I pick up a book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I pray for God to send me to the right page to lift my spirits.
and He gives me this:
New International Version (NIV)
13 For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Thank you Lord!!!